This is who I am ...

 

In so Many way's....I know who I am.

yet I know the learning will never stop.

 

I have come to realize, That being a mom, is what brought my

self-esteem full circle, many years ago!

GOSH, how I loved being a mom to my young family!

A Mom and homemaker!

That was Me!

 

But were I have been brought, at this point in my life...well...

My children and grandchildren are far away...why?

I always know there has to be a reason...

And I realized it!

 

Now is my time to find out 'The rest of me'

who I am... without the 'mom' roll!

who I am without a home!

 

I am Peggy...

and at 51 I have still much to learn!

But I can say, this song...fits me...

through all these years...

this has been me in so many ways...not all, but most of this song :)

 

 

who I am? well that will always be a work in progress...

But I do know,

I will follow...were my creator takes me,

when I follow, that is when the greatest gift's occur.

 

 

The journey is on-going...

but I am learning to embrace who I am, separate and apart from

anyone else!

Learning to EMBRACE ME! that is huge!

Remember, we are all created different and unique!

two of us alike...that would be boring.

always always always...

Embrace your own unique soul!

 



Pooh Sticks

 

 

After I closed the doors to my shop last night...

This became my view.

 

It has been such a busy 2 weeks! Last weekend I spent driving.

I brought my Grandson back half way to Missouri.

Half way, is 12 hours of driving. Not including pit stops.

we arrived Saturday night. My daughter and her man, also

drove half way.

Then after spending the night, we drove back in the directions

we came from...another 12 hours.

First however, last Sunday.

I had a 'Mom' moment.

As my daughter drove away, tears came.

When would I see her? or her sisters again?

when would I see my grandchildren again?

how is it, that we dedicate our lives to our children...

only to see them, and our feet turn and walk away...

we could never walk away from our 3 year old? or 7, or 13 or 16 yr old!

somehow, the teen years come...and they turn 18.

we are to let go. and we can due to those teen years.

BUT...

It seems the Mom in us, always shows when we least expect it to...

so..again...I found myself...

 

 

Here!

A little foot bridge that over looks a irrigation stream.

I sat quietly, listening to the water lapping the sides.

the rustle of the wind in the tree's...

peace came seeping in...

and then I had to grin!

Oh my vivid imagination!

But the thought that came in was simple and real!

 

I would Love if Eeyore and Pooh, Tigger and Piglet were here!

 

 

Because, if they were here!

WE could play 'Pooh sticks'

 

 

Yes, I tend to be alone a lot.

and last night I was deep in thought about all that.

So I smiled, realizing there was plenty of sticks around...

 

 

Pooh Sticks is a simple game. You simply throw your stick in

the water and then see, who's stick comes out first...

on the other side of the bridge.

 

the object behind 'Pooh Sticks' is simple.

It's about hanging out, being with friends

and one doesn't even need to talk.

 

 

I have always been alone a lot...

accept my children.

I wonder at all the changes in life.

And I wonder if this is also something I need to learn.

perhaps my creator, wants me to learn and except

being alone.

I was very alone in a relationship for many many years.

to the point of numbness.

Now I am not numb.

But perhaps part of this journey is becoming

'ok'

with the fact, of being alone.

Maybe all I long for and dream...is not what my future holds.

maybe just maybe

there is more I am to learn, so I understand

other's better.

I have met a wonderful neighbor.

She was married very young. At age 23 she had 4 sons.

several years later her husband

 left her.

she remarried again and adopted a girl.

this man also was not a healthy relationship.

and at the age of 36 she found herself alone.

her youngest son became ill.

and he passed away at the age of 29!

She took care of him, till his last breath.

it changed her. she went to group meetings.. to handle her grief.

yet since the age of 36 she never once again shared life with anyone.

she is now 74!

yet she smiles and laughs and counts her blessing's every day!

she say's...so many years went by, as I dealt with the loss of

my son. that the next thing you know. I was just old

and no one looked my way.

 

YET she is a beautiful woman!

 

 

I am not sure, were life's journey will take me.

I am responsible for my choice's.

I allowed myself to be with someone, who was selfish and self absorbed!

Someone I gave all my hard work too...and trusted!

I walked away with nothing.

I allowed this!

 

I am only sad, he cannot see what it is he does.

because I know how much his life could be blessed if he faced his choice's.

 

I hope someday, to play 'Pooh Sticks' with someone

sitting by my side....because it would be nice

to grow old with a best friend!

 

Until then, I am learning! learning so very much!

If things came to easy..one would not learn.

I am to learn, never to give myself away again!

I count too! I am important too!

 

being so deep in thought last night. I did not see a Momma deer and her

twins show up. As I saw them so close I could almost touch them... yes they

were on the little bridge. I saw the fear in the momma's eyes.

I rested my head back on my arms... staying very still.

I was visited by 7 deer.

My camera was close by....

but this was a moment, that was just for me,

if I picked up the camera it would scare them.

I loved the fact, they had no fear of me!

and in that moment...

peace came again!

 

My journey is not over...I have no clue

were it will go...

regardless I will be Ok!

and that was all I needed to know...

I am blessed, yes, I am humbly blessed!



I love a Story that remind's and bring's tears. Here is one for you :)

 

 

 

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she ...looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.

It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around.."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper That he got from a grocery bag Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets.."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling* her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for* believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

(For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist Hospital in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

 

Making a difference in a child's life...

is the most beautiful gift...

we can give!

Have a blessed Day! 



To Touch and be Touched

 

Yesterday, was Father's day!

I felt a bit lonesome, on this day that we 'Celebrate our Dad's'

My family, my kids and grandkids are miles away.

I am Living with friends at the moment.

I am grateful and so appreciative.

But I am lonesome for my own space,

and for my things!  

 

 

 

 

 

I grew up with a Dad, who only allowed Negative's out.

if he spoke, it was a negative. Never a positive!

Over the year's finding a Father's Day card, well most of

the time it was impossible.

And reading the beautiful Card's

Hurt the heart of a girl,

who always wanted a 'Dad'

Like the card's spoke off!

I know I am 'Not' the only one, who yearned for more.

 

 

 

 

 

 In our Family growing up... there were no hugs, no touching!

Before bedtime every night,

we went to our parents and Kissed them good night!

they were touched by us, but we were not touched back.

 

I know they come from, how they were raised.

I know they did the best the could in many way's

from the box's they were raised in.

 

After leaving home, seeing different. I would say, "I love you"

to my parents...in time they could say it back.

I would hug my parents, In time they could hug back.

But it was not a easy natural thing for them.

A few of my siblings also learned to do this.

 

  

 

 When I married. I thought 'finally' all the love and affection

in me could be shared.

But I married a man, much like my Dad.

if I went to sit by him, he stood up.

A hug from him was quick, with pat's

it wasn't that hug that held and supported you.

There was no real affection, no touching.

 

Sometimes on quiet night's alone, I would look into

the heavens and wonder why?

why? where is love? where is touch?

It wasn't just about being touched, it was about being allowed

to touch!

It was a real 'ache' in me!

something that made me me...yet it never existed in my life.

perhaps, I was wrong? perhaps I was abnormal?

Perhaps it doesn't exist...

 

 

 

 

Yet, It existed in me!

 

A couple weeks ago, I went to get my hair done.

The wonderful person who does my hair...

Had this poem on her wall!

I read it...eyes wide! Then I read it again!

 

I was surprised by the author of this poem. I am not sure why!

But I realized what I have missed all these years,

it is real. It truly does exists!

 

~By Suzanne Summers~

 

Touch me~

In secret places no one has reached for

In silent places where words only interfere

In sad places where only whispering makes sense.

 

Touch me~

In the morning when the night still clings

At midday when confusion crowds upon me

At twilight as I begin to know who I am

In the evening when I see and hear you

                           ~best of all

 

Touch me~

Like a child who will never have enough love

For I am a child who wants and needs to be touched

An adult who has known enough pain to love

 

Touch me~

In crowds when a single look says everything

In solitude when it's to dark to even look

In absence when I reach for you through time and space

 

Touch me~

With your lips, your hands, your words

Your presence in the room

 

Touch me~

Gently for I am fragile

firmly for I am strong

often for I am alone

 

Touch me~

For I was made to be touched

I can never be touched enough...

 

 

To love, is to touch and support. a touch can be positive words.

That look across a crowded room, that say's I am here for you.

A kiss. Or just touching...a hand, reaching and touching a face.

TOUCH...is a human Right!

I always new inside me, it wasn't a crazy thought!

Love and TOUCH...

for touch and connection's

are the most healing force of all!

have a beautiful Day and week!



 



Today Our Mom would have been 73! we celebrated with a Tea Party!

My sister far left, Two of my daughters in the middle.

My little poppie in the front 

and me far right!

Our Mom would have been only 73 today!

But she was only 71, when she went Home.

My sister put on a tea party! In honor of our Mom.

The girls and my sister ended up having the same colored hats.

Not planned!

They all looked fabulous like right out of

Downtown Abbey

Yours truly struggled with rushing after work

 this picture is in Sepia...because it makes me blend better.

It was kind of like awkward Calamity Jane meets downtown Abbey :)

My sister Had our Mom's Royal Albert China.

There were chocolate covered strawberries, eclairs and scones.

mini cupcakes and grapes

apple turn overs

and of course Tea!

   

These 3 were just beautiful! 

we shared memories...

The fun ones's

 the one's that make us laugh!

  

Our Mom's Dutch humor would make anyone laugh!

we laughed and chatted like all

girls do at tea parties...

we tried the sweets and the tea's :)

We honored this woman,

who left us soon, sooner then any of us ever had comprehended

and yes, WE MISSED HER!

And spoke of some of the sad times...

We love you Mom! we miss you. 

Sometimes I am still shocked you are gone...

sometimes I roam around and I don't think of it much...

(From April 2013-March 2014 was my mourning and struggle)

and then it hits me...

Today was one of those days!

You are loved and missed by all your kids and grandchildren and great grands

and friends and other family...

ALWAYS!

Today we all wanted to visit with you...

that will never change

Happy Birthday in Heaven Mom!

I LOVE YOU!