The wedding is over..the knot was tied...and my 50th Birthday arrived

I post this from my daughters apartment...

later this afternoon, after being gone a week..

I fly home.

The pic above, is my daughter and I after the ceremony

I was honored to be the Matron of honor

at My husbands cousins wedding!

she looked gorgeous in her gown...

see the link below 

The one of a kind Vintage wedding gown

I will post about the wedding when her pic's come back :)

at midnight on Saturday at the wedding reception...I also

turned 50 years old.

Its a funny thing, that number 50...

when I thought of it...I had no issues..

but when the moment came...

and I thought,

"wow, I am 50"

It felt different...

It felt older :)

I hope the wisdom I have gained so far...

continues, that the learning life brings

I continue to embrace...

there is so much to learn!

This past week was filled with learning...

you see I have not been around the brides family in

over 10 years...Yes a huge family dynamic there

There were many egg-shell moments...

of treading lightly...

and moments that I forgot the dynamic and grinned

and smiled filled with the delight of the event to turn

to a family member..only to get a wall of coldness...

I choose to overall...let my light shine...

to be me...to love as I do...to respect as I do..

to go that extra mile as I do...

I would like to think it may have touched them...

there were moments the guard was down...

and the light attracted them...

and then once again...the wall came up!

Simply stated it is the very way I love..that has caused this chaos...

love isn't selfish, love does not harm,

love is wanting the BEST for someone..the utter best..simply because you love that much...

and I did and I do...

and because I know this without a doubt...

I was at peace!

The bride and groom had there day...

the emotions were high

the love shined around them...

the venue was everything she wanted...

the dress..perfect on her...

and they joined there lives together....

and I am thrilled with how it all turned out...

so stayed tune...the wedding post will be here soon...

Meanwhile even tho there has been no real celebration for my 50th..

I have a priceless gift..I received a week ago...

I will share that gift...once I get home!

I missed you all...was to busy to be on-line in any way!!! 

Its been a year today

I didn't realize my emotions this week

would lead me to posting...

I fly out for a wedding tomorrow and have much to do...

But as my one daughter drove off to pick up another daughter...

and they and there babies

are gone...

I turned around and the feelings came out...

in a song...

just moments ago...

Its rough but I love the tune..and I love how the chorus

is loud and happy...

(A song)

It' been a year today
since you slipped away...

I'd like to see you for a moment

And then I had to smile, as my heart beats wild,
even though my hearts still broken

Your in a beautiful place
only filled with grace
looking down at me with a smile on your face...

Chorus: I see you laughing there
so happy without a care...
what a precious site to see
with your heart wide open

2nd verse: It seems like yesterday
since you slipped away

I'd like to see you for a moment

And then I had to smile as my heart beats wild
Will be seeing you there someday

Your in a beautiful place
only filled with grace
It's were, we all are going to be

Chorus: We'll be laughing there
so happy and without a care
what a precious day that will be
with our hearts wide open

(part of line and chorus) your in a beautiful place
only filled with grace
looking down at me with a smile on your face...

I see you laughing there
and I know I will be ok
what a precious love I feel
Our Fathers heart's wide open....

Thinking of you today mom...and loving you.

At her service this family video played..... Most of the pic's I took or are from the last 2 years...it just turned out that way...I did not pick out the pictures...a sibling did. I took my mom on a road trip in 2012...in may/june..she had the time of her life....... :)

Yes, I am missing her today!

Family Video 

A year ago today....Silent Night ( I had to post.....)

Silent night....

The night is still...peaceful and perfect. Its cooled off so much compared to the heat of the summer day. I pull on my mom's deep burgundy Hoody, She got it last fall as she went on her trip to see one son,  in Texas and his family. Then  on to the coast in California to see another son, And finally in Oregon were she saw another son and his Bride. Was that only Last November ?

 I step into the night air on the back deck... cup... of coffee in hand. it's 3:a.m. and sleeping beauty is finally at rest. Earlier in the day, going to the commode became to much for her. Hospice came over and put her on a catheter, she warned us the time was growing close. Somehow that catheter came out. hospice came again, and redid the catheter. Moms cousin went to get a full nights sleep. My sister was also going to sleep soon. I had the first shift of the night shift. 

We heard a cry out, and rush to our mom's bedroom... My sister and I  followed by her cousin who also jumped out of bed. Her bed was empty!!! Shock cannot accurately describe the moment. My sister and Mom's cousin turn..automatically to check the bathroom. It is then that I see her..3 feet away from the hospital bed..in the corner. Trying to get to the commode. She has no memory of how she got there... Hospice comes again. catheter not working for her...we decide against it. as hospice leaves... she once again warns us...the time is growing close. We give her a pill for anxiety. everyone goes to bed...and I sit and wait.

 The restlessness and sudden movements. are due to the nervous system beginning to shut down, due to lack of oxygen.The cloudy Urine is due to the kidneys shouting down due to lack of oxygen. The shaking, the parts of her that are so warm and kinda clammy, the skin on her face going to a whitish sheen..all signs the end is closing in. 

The night air feels good...awakening me. I take two gulps of coffee and go back to her bedside. She is still now. the ceiling fan gives of a steady hummm and I put her hand in mine. I study her features her face and find her still beautiful...thin and gaunt due to the cancer, but no wrinkles and no blemishes...still young... I trace my other hand up her arm and I start humming.. I hum every church hymn I can remember and that leads me to humming all the Christmas songs... One after another I hum. I hold sleeping beauties hand, soak her in and hum.

 A peacefulness like a soft blanket cloaks the room. I hum the tune to silent night;   
Silent night!  Holy night! All is calm all is bright Round yon virgin mother and child Holy infant so tender and mild Sleep in heavenly peace! sleep in heavenly peace..................................

I glance at the clock..it's 5:a.m and I wake my sister for her turn. I climb into bed.... praying sleeping beauty sleeps..until awakened by the purest form of love there is... Our Heavenly Fathers.... I close my eye's with thousands of  emotions running through my mind...and in exhaustion...I sleep...last night..we had Christmas in July...

( I wrote this on my FB page. so Many family members and friends were checking in

daily.  But what I didn't say ..was as I started humming Silent night...the tears

came pouring down...you see it was the first Christmas song I hummed...

I had run our of hymns... and in that moment... Christmas had come!

the other part no one new..accept my husband and 2 precious Girl friends

By the end of February 2013... I couldn't see my Mom

past Christmas...it was a strong feeling. It made me pace..i shared this

with my husband and 2 Friends...and then I told my Husband

I need to go..it was the first of April 2013

My Mom 'Picked' me up at the airport...

a one way ticket...

I just somehow new...no that's not it...

It was that still small voice..

a few days later the decline started happening...

and so as I hummed...my mental state a few notches behind,

all the events and happening's in these last

few months of my mothers life.

In the moment I hummed silent night...I realized the gift

of having followed that still small voice.

I was the lucky one...once again. I got to be there for her last

Birthday and her last mothers day...and yet

the tears came...because of  utter humility

the tears came because...simply stated

Christmas had come...

much earlier then anyone wants...

But Christmas came.....

in those  tears were utter heartache and love!

I miss you Mom, and love you More! 

sharing our last Christmas together

Dean Martin...Silent night 

A year ago today....

I posted this a year ago today...perhaps I needed to put my feeling's

out there...

The churning beat goes on....its the beat of our hearts...waiting, not knowing...

yet knowing...soon.....soon the beat of one heart will be gone...

It will be the beat of a mothers heart, the soul of the family, the one who gave birth to us, 

the one who tried her best, the one who danced before  big window as the trains pulled into the station as a young girl, because she was lonely and a only child...

The one who was not afraid to leave all she new behind for a land called Australia, (and back then telegrams were the cheapest way of communication and later she did it again..and came to America) 

The one who sat with us after dinner with a orange peal in her mouth...cut to look like teeth..along with the rest of us...as she told stories about her life, the mom who laughed at herself..and with others 24/7.

 The mom, that with her accent was never understood in a fast food drive through, and that only made us laugh so hard we couldn't speak...or the fact, due to that, she got so nervous one day she gave her order to a brick wall..and I was laughing to hard to speak..and as she kept repeating herself..I was out of breath...trying to tell her that was a real wall!

 The churning beat goes on...and on...and on...and on...and even when the beat of this mothers heart stops.....it will never stop completely..for she beats in our hearts always...till the day we also journey home..and yet right now... my heart beats a churning beat...a endless churning beat....and I want to keep her.....

I love you more mom.....

(I cannot believe a year has passed already...a whole year.. still feels like yesterday

  miss you and  I Love you More Mom!)

One Kitty, 2 kitty, 3 kitty 4...5 kitties...will there be anymore? :)

I was looking for a 'certain kitty to love'

to cuddle with,

to MUG :)

to call mine!

To read more about this...older post 

click on this link

Looking for this kind of Kitty

When we closed on our home the first of May

my Mother in law,

had found me...just such a kitty! And so as we moved in...

I got my 'Lil Guy'

I have always loved cats! and I had a kitten before,

who chewed on our hands...

but this 'LIL GUY' chews on my hands, arms, any place he can get too!

I think it is his way of showing love, because he is very much...

my kitty...trusting me and skittish of anyone new!

he also did not cry like most kittens do!

he would take himself to bed, in the closet!

he has YET to sleep with us...

so finding him a name has been difficult...

because his personality is developing...

Having said that..once he is worn out...

he does snuggle!

I started this post a bit ago...and since then we found a name for our new
lil guy... here is our youngest grandson with Emmit :)

and one of our grand daughters with Emmit!

I had thought I only wanted 2 cats! I truly truly did.
But our second day at our new home
we saw a cat in the big dumpster (the previous owners had the dumpster)
when I called she came...
and the next day I brought food for her,
when she let me touch her, I told my husband...
aaah ohh I think she is pregnant...
then the next day I see another cat...
And so we learned that we had two cats..that came with the house.

Leroy is on the left..he was a Tom cat! Edith Ann is on the right.
these 2 are so sweet! they followed us around the yard. They are so close I thought they
may have been litter mates.

One morning Edith was hurt. My husband kept saying she wasn't pregnant.
I brought her to the vet, we were going to have her looked at and fixed.
the vet grinned..."she is pregnant, you have approx 7 days till kittens get here, she needs more protein and a safe place to have them" I was like "Oh my, she didn't look that pregnant"
The vet Proclaimed she has only 2 in there maybe 3!
I had been telling my husband...she needs a spot just in case...Edith was trying to come into the house.
So I made a nest in the basement...there is a half bath down there and food and kitty litter went there.
the closet to the bedroom down there was set up for kittens...
Edith and was worn out..she slept and slept..she was so grateful
to have a safe place...each day I checked on her..back and forth down to the basement.

Meanwhile Leroy was very lonely. So I allowed him and Emit to meet through the screen door.

For a Tom cat..Leroy is very loving..but we had a appointment to get him fixed
and his shots...and until then I was unsure...of how he would treat Emit.
Leroy would call and Emit would come running.
Leroy would sleep on one side of the screen and Emit on the inside!

Our little guy was all fluster and back raising ..but Leroy layed down in
the docile position, even glancing away so Emit would relax.

Leroy wasn't that impressed with Emmit's carrying on...lol

Leroy however kept crying for Edith Ann..and 3 days after she
was in the basement I came down stairs to see this...

Leroy had found Edith Ann! He talked through the window and he
slept outside her window every day for a period of time...
the connection these two have is something.
But they are not siblings.
The vet has Edith as a early fall baby..10 months/ maybe a year. And when Leroy went
in to get fixed and get his shots he put Leroy at 18 months.

On day 7 of Edith Ann being in the basement. I was at doctors appointments with
my in-laws all day long.
I came home, and realized I best check on Edith. it was day 7!

I looked inside the closet and saw a baby, far away from Edith Ann, still attached by the
umbilical cord to it's lil placenta sack (each kitten has there own sack) the baby
was meowing a very low cry..and at first I thought Edith had just given birth.
But as I looked at her, I saw a fluffy kitten nursing.

I jumped into action and cut the umbilical cord.
I threw the placenta sack away and I whisked this very wet cold kitten up.
trying to dry it and warm it up.
For an hour I tried to get Edith to accept this kitten.
she seamed over whelmed and like she didn't know what to do.
Finally my husband ran to get Kitten formula and a bottle.

  
For the next few hours we both tried to feed her.

The little thing, just wasn't getting the bottle.
But she was very warmed up and her meows were louder.
at bedtime I decided to see if Edith Ann would accept this baby one last time.
I new Edith trusted me.
As I brought the baby  down and Edith put her nose to the babies nose..
this lil thing cried so loud...that Edith smacked my hand...
"give me my baby back"
she was accepted! Yeah!
I had read though..that sometimes a mother neglects a baby because it has
a birth defect..that can't be seen...
My husband had named this baby Abe...for abandoned and perhaps abnormal...
our lil Abe..became my sweet lil Abigail..or Abbey for short.
and her Healthy brother has become Boris!

Abigail's little eyes didn't open like her brother's.
The vet said to use a damp clothe...

But every day its a process to open her eyes so she can see!

This is our little Boris! he is truly a cutie!

And this is our sweeeeeeeeeeeeet Abigail on a day I got both eyes open..they are shaped different!
she will be going to the Vet next week along with Boris and Emit.
Some morning's I wake up to see Abbey playing..her steps high..and her head swinging a
little like Stevie wonders...both eyes glued shut.
Every day many times a day I hold her and work on getting her eyes open so she can see.
she sits so still, her lil personality so very sweet..that we have
decided to keep her..she is my lap kitty.
But my husband then also wanted to keep Boris...
because in the moments she cant see..Boris helps her
find her way around!

 I love the saying,

                                               "I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself."  D.H. Lawrence

They are 5 weeks now

Abigail on the left..Boris on the right!

They are at that cutest kitten stage! (Boris)

Big brother Emit...hangs with them 24/7 almost!!!

Sometimes its just one big cat pile!

Leroy and Edith are thrilled to be back together again :)
and

Everyone gets alone. Leroy even met the kittens on the back Patio!
In the Midwest here, people don't fix there cat's. The shelters are so full...
and the chances the cats go to a home were they wont get fixed...
is a chance we don't want to take
In all truth..4 cats came with our home...sweet cats...!!!
well behaved and loving...
and we cant turn them out...
Emmit was the one I picked
But in the end...4 more picked us!
so Owl creek farm has a cat society of
5!!!
and I would say...after they are all are  fixed and gotten there shots
we are Done!
But to turn them out...not a option...
we know we can love them.
that they will have a good home..were they are respected
and taken care off...
We just cannot do anything less!
So we welcome
Leroy, Edith Ann, Emmit, Boris and Abigail
to our family :)

Unspoken Heroes/ A tribute To Mothers

In 2005 I was listening to the news in the morning's...and it seemed like every day

there was a causality of war...if not more then one.

the news named the soldier and that he had a wife and 2 kids...

and that was it...all you heard.

Like most of you 9/11 caught me...the utter chaos!

I thought of all the family's who's lives

were now shattered...the women

who gave birth alone!

This weighed heavy one me! I thought of the women left behind to carry on...

There Battle had truly just started!!!

One night, after midnight...the tune and lyrics came...within 45min

Unspoken Heroes was born

I sang from my heart, my soul and it came out...

I grabbed paper and pen...and wrote as fast as the melody and lyrics came.

Then I went to my most gifted brother.

he is the one that is a Estate attorney...

but his gift for composing...is a gift I wish I had!

when he came into town...

we sat together...

this is the second song we did...

I wanted a group of rough rowdy country western singer's to sing this...

but none could be found.

So we found a man with a Beautiful voice..and tried to roughen him up.

Steve R. we are forever great full you did this demo for us.

I still see and feel in my head, rough and rowdy country boys...singing this..

overlapping and making it a true...true song...like the men/ soldiers

we have lost!...

But time goes by...

and thanks to 3 amazing women in blog land...

I finally choose to share.

To Donna, you have given me the courage to do so...because

you had the courage to follow your art!

To Linda, you are teaching me more and more to be my Authentic self!!!

and to Vicky, you are one of the mom's this song is for...and you teach us all

to LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE in each precious moment...we are given.

This song is for mothers...not just the ones who lost...

the ones who are single,

the ones who struggle every day to keep there families together...

and the ones who battle cancer...fighting with everything they never new they had

to be here..for there children.

this is for Mom's that LOVE that much!  

Yes, in many ways this song is personal...for it shares

were I go...when I don't know where else to go...

and who gets me through...for I have had those night's

were my prayers reach out like a

'Battle Cry'

The back of our cover..in 2005 my Brother and I :)

I had to get pic's..you tube doesn't just upload audio...this

was a bit difficult for me...

because I didn't want anything to take away from the song.

and yet I didn't have much of my own stuff to pic from...

Putting this out there is equally hard...I am not after any fame or fortune

to take my feelings and put them into music...

it makes my soul fly free...

to choose to share..there will be those who don't like it!

that is ok...This has been a gift..just for me...

and I am humbled to have it...

I am also very new at this...because I had to break away after 2005

I have written and sung...but they are only here inside me..or on sheets of paper

so many different song's....

But for some reason..i felt I should share...for those

who would want to hear it..for those...who need to know

they are NEVER alone!

I have been told this is a sad song. But life has it sadness...without pain we can't know joy

and visa verse...and I tend to be real in my feeling's

(click on the link below to hear this song)

Unspoken Heroes/ A Tribute To Mothers  

the Lyrics are below

Our music was all copy righted in 2005

feel free to share if you know of anyone who may

enjoy it...

I just felt it was time..to share a huge part of who I am... :)

May you know you are watched over...always!!!

Lisa Covington

Life has kept me on my toes...

but a update needed to be posted...on a lady

that truly lived!!! and I wanted to do it much sooner...

because this kind of women inspires...and teaches us all 

I posted about 

Lisa... Here

 update From her FB page

June 16th 2014 Our sweet friend Lisa is finally at rest. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 31, and was the most amazing, brave, positive person as she lived with stage four cancer for the following 13 years. She was a devoted wife and mother of two, an entertainer, and a friend to everyone who was lucky enough to know her. Her positivity was why I never gave up and her death is why I will continue to fight. My deepest sympathies to all who knew and loved her. --Laurie 

But I think the words below truly speak to who Lisa is... the link below will take you there

For Lisa 

Prayers for all who love and new this bright shinning star...

I know were this amazing lady is...

wrapped in her Heavenly father's embrace...

but missing her...that is the hard part...

so many amazing souls...who fight with such fight..who smile with such joy

and who LIVE no matter what! 

I am humbly blessed by those souls who have touched my life

thank you Lisa...

for being amazing you!