After I closed the doors to my shop last night...
This became my view.
It has been such a busy 2 weeks! Last weekend I spent driving.
I brought my Grandson back half way to Missouri.
Half way, is 12 hours of driving. Not including pit stops.
we arrived Saturday night. My daughter and her man, also
drove half way.
Then after spending the night, we drove back in the directions
we came from...another 12 hours.
First however, last Sunday.
I had a 'Mom' moment.
As my daughter drove away, tears came.
When would I see her? or her sisters again?
when would I see my grandchildren again?
how is it, that we dedicate our lives to our children...
only to see them, and our feet turn and walk away...
we could never walk away from our 3 year old? or 7, or 13 or 16 yr old!
somehow, the teen years come...and they turn 18.
we are to let go. and we can due to those teen years.
BUT...
It seems the Mom in us, always shows when we least expect it to...
so..again...I found myself...
Here!
A little foot bridge that over looks a irrigation stream.
I sat quietly, listening to the water lapping the sides.
the rustle of the wind in the tree's...
peace came seeping in...
and then I had to grin!
Oh my vivid imagination!
But the thought that came in was simple and real!
I would Love if Eeyore and Pooh, Tigger and Piglet were here!
Because, if they were here!
WE could play 'Pooh sticks'
Yes, I tend to be alone a lot.
and last night I was deep in thought about all that.
So I smiled, realizing there was plenty of sticks around...
Pooh Sticks is a simple game. You simply throw your stick in
the water and then see, who's stick comes out first...
on the other side of the bridge.
the object behind 'Pooh Sticks' is simple.
It's about hanging out, being with friends
and one doesn't even need to talk.
I have always been alone a lot...
accept my children.
I wonder at all the changes in life.
And I wonder if this is also something I need to learn.
perhaps my creator, wants me to learn and except
being alone.
I was very alone in a relationship for many many years.
to the point of numbness.
Now I am not numb.
But perhaps part of this journey is becoming
'ok'
with the fact, of being alone.
Maybe all I long for and dream...is not what my future holds.
maybe just maybe
there is more I am to learn, so I understand
other's better.
I have met a wonderful neighbor.
She was married very young. At age 23 she had 4 sons.
several years later her husband
left her.
she remarried again and adopted a girl.
this man also was not a healthy relationship.
and at the age of 36 she found herself alone.
her youngest son became ill.
and he passed away at the age of 29!
She took care of him, till his last breath.
it changed her. she went to group meetings.. to handle her grief.
yet since the age of 36 she never once again shared life with anyone.
she is now 74!
yet she smiles and laughs and counts her blessing's every day!
she say's...so many years went by, as I dealt with the loss of
my son. that the next thing you know. I was just old
and no one looked my way.
YET she is a beautiful woman!
I am not sure, were life's journey will take me.
I am responsible for my choice's.
I allowed myself to be with someone, who was selfish and self absorbed!
Someone I gave all my hard work too...and trusted!
I walked away with nothing.
I allowed this!
I am only sad, he cannot see what it is he does.
because I know how much his life could be blessed if he faced his choice's.
I hope someday, to play 'Pooh Sticks' with someone
sitting by my side....because it would be nice
to grow old with a best friend!
Until then, I am learning! learning so very much!
If things came to easy..one would not learn.
I am to learn, never to give myself away again!
I count too! I am important too!
being so deep in thought last night. I did not see a Momma deer and her
twins show up. As I saw them so close I could almost touch them... yes they
were on the little bridge. I saw the fear in the momma's eyes.
I rested my head back on my arms... staying very still.
I was visited by 7 deer.
My camera was close by....
but this was a moment, that was just for me,
if I picked up the camera it would scare them.
I loved the fact, they had no fear of me!
and in that moment...
peace came again!
My journey is not over...I have no clue
were it will go...
regardless I will be Ok!
and that was all I needed to know...
I am blessed, yes, I am humbly blessed!
