Refurbishing my life, my soul..as I refurbish one piece of furniture at a time...

Life's journey, has brought many changes these

past few months...

I was much like this dresser...I worked! I functioned,

Yet there was no beauty left, there was no joy,

there was no 'soul moments', when we fly free with

utter delight.

For over 22 years, I followed that still small voice,

I worked on my marriage with all I had.

over and over I tried everything the still small

voice told me, such as, 'love him more, be patient,

never get angry back, be kind, share what you feel,

and at one point I even thought we had a miracle...

wasn't I deserving of one? :).....

yet things went back to how they always were...

this time, the pain, and awareness came to a conclusion...

I didn't know what else to do...

I had loved unconditionally, I had forgiven,

I had so much excitement and fell in love again...

only to be put in my place, all communication ignored...

I became numb...I would stay...after all

that is what I am good at doing? I care so much for the human

being...others. Always putting them before myself...

I became numb and in that numbness

was a sadness like I had never known...

  

A sadness because I do believe in love!

kindness, respect, to honor and cherish...

a sadness because I was a shell of who I am suppose to be...

and then...then that still small voice spoke...

and gifts were put into my life...

I call them 'God' moments

as I became aware, I count too!

I am important, I have a right to be happy here...

and the only one that could make that happen

was me!  If I didn't put myself first...

who would?

my health was being affected...because

when we are sad, stressed..we cause damage to

our health....

And a beauty grew inside me...

that as much as I loved the human being I have been married too...

I was of equal importance!

I am so sensitive, so peaceful, so quiet and in wonder

at the beauty in this world..and all of Gods creation's

and I was living with someone who was opposite...

perhaps we were just very unevenly yoked?!!!

Sometimes, a journey comes to a end...because God can only

work with each of you separately...

because together was not healthy anymore.

(yes, this is a delicate subject and I am choosing my words

as wisely as I can..and yet still share)

I am starting all over again...as if I was 20...

working at minimum wage...with My booth on the side...

and yet...

I am changing, growing..I feel a peace and tranquility I have yearned for...

I know without a doubt...the Lord has me in his hands...

I am excited about the 'possibilities' in my future. Dreams that can come

a reality!

I am slowly, one step at a time..becoming the best of me, 

once again...and when we are the best of ourselves...

God can work with us, much better! isn't joy in someone the

most attractive of all traits? joy and love and that spiritual

something!!!

I am aiming high..to be all the lord ever intended me to be!

This is truly the hardest thing I have ever done... it goes against what my norm

has been... and I am a person who never wants to cause someone else any pain.

and yet, I know this is what the Lord wants from me...

I ask for continued prayers...and prayers for the man I

was married to all these years. For I still care, still love him for the person

he has been and still pray for the lord to be there for him.

I know, without a doubt..I am going to be more then fine!

I have cherished friends and people who

know me! I have a peace and excitement I have not known in many many

years...

and I am following that still small voice...

the Lord has this...he so has this!

I am becoming and un-becoming (words from Vicky Westra's blog)

and it is the perfect place for me!

I am refurbishing my life and my soul...

because no one else could do it...

but me!