Yesterday, was Father's day!
I felt a bit lonesome, on this day that we 'Celebrate our Dad's'
My family, my kids and grandkids are miles away.
I am Living with friends at the moment.
I am grateful and so appreciative.
But I am lonesome for my own space,
and for my things!
I grew up with a Dad, who only allowed Negative's out.
if he spoke, it was a negative. Never a positive!
Over the year's finding a Father's Day card, well most of
the time it was impossible.
And reading the beautiful Card's
Hurt the heart of a girl,
who always wanted a 'Dad'
Like the card's spoke off!
I know I am 'Not' the only one, who yearned for more.
In our Family growing up... there were no hugs, no touching!
Before bedtime every night,
we went to our parents and Kissed them good night!
they were touched by us, but we were not touched back.
I know they come from, how they were raised.
I know they did the best the could in many way's
from the box's they were raised in.
After leaving home, seeing different. I would say, "I love you"
to my parents...in time they could say it back.
I would hug my parents, In time they could hug back.
But it was not a easy natural thing for them.
A few of my siblings also learned to do this.
When I married. I thought 'finally' all the love and affection
in me could be shared.
But I married a man, much like my Dad.
if I went to sit by him, he stood up.
A hug from him was quick, with pat's
it wasn't that hug that held and supported you.
There was no real affection, no touching.
Sometimes on quiet night's alone, I would look into
the heavens and wonder why?
why? where is love? where is touch?
It wasn't just about being touched, it was about being allowed
It was a real 'ache' in me!
something that made me me...yet it never existed in my life.
perhaps, I was wrong? perhaps I was abnormal?
Perhaps it doesn't exist...
Yet, It existed in me!
A couple weeks ago, I went to get my hair done.
The wonderful person who does my hair...
Had this poem on her wall!
I read it...eyes wide! Then I read it again!
I was surprised by the author of this poem. I am not sure why!
But I realized what I have missed all these years,
it is real. It truly does exists!
~By Suzanne Summers~
In secret places no one has reached for
In silent places where words only interfere
In sad places where only whispering makes sense.
In the morning when the night still clings
At midday when confusion crowds upon me
At twilight as I begin to know who I am
In the evening when I see and hear you
~best of all
Like a child who will never have enough love
For I am a child who wants and needs to be touched
An adult who has known enough pain to love
In crowds when a single look says everything
In solitude when it's to dark to even look
In absence when I reach for you through time and space
With your lips, your hands, your words
Your presence in the room
Gently for I am fragile
firmly for I am strong
often for I am alone
For I was made to be touched
I can never be touched enough...
To love, is to touch and support. a touch can be positive words.
That look across a crowded room, that say's I am here for you.
A kiss. Or just touching...a hand, reaching and touching a face.
TOUCH...is a human Right!
I always new inside me, it wasn't a crazy thought!
Love and TOUCH...
for touch and connection's
are the most healing force of all!
have a beautiful Day and week!