Dancing...with a Dash of Breast Cancer

Does breast cancer come in Dashes...kinda like a sprinkle of it? It does. I decided to finally share...because, well I have learned so much! I new there were many different types of Breast Cancer...however I thought..you either do or don't! This is not true. 

My lil side journey here started in September. Some Breast cancer is highly curable..mortality rates of 95% plus...but it is still cancerous...it still IS! and therefore you get to walk through the phone call's off..we need to do a diagnostic mammogram...and then...hummm and we see something we need to look closer at. Then because I am new in this area I live in..we wait..for the old records and mammograms to get to the right hands. Then there is the phone call, "we need to do a biopsy"...and even tho everything in me knows..I will be fine..I get to walk a walk I never new...and its is humbling...I get to be..."one of those women" the ones fighting breast cancer. I get to walk the hallways, and talk to doctors and surgeons...

and I get to have a biopsy. 

A biopsy is Something I never thought I would have...because, well, breast cancer doesn't run in my family. For me the biopsy was much better then I thought it may be...the kindness and gentleness of everyone working in this area...truly floors me.

 And then I am told...we have to go back in... so in a nutshell I have cancer cell's that are contained. I had no clue, that even in a biopsy there are degree's and stages!!! and there are! and then again with every different cancer..it is different. 

So On my biopsy scale and it has 5 different stages....I am a 3. what this means is....I have cancer cells that unlike me...are not thinking outside there box's yet...they have no clue how much havoc they can create yet! (and I am very happy they don't know!! )So I am having surgery or a lumpectomy to get these cells. These cells then will be biopsied to make sure they are not reaching yet...reaching cells are cells that are starting to realize they are in a box and can get OUT! If by chance these cells are reaching, that then is stage 4 in this biopsy..and they will treat it like stage 5...and stage 5 is invasive breast cancer....It is the lowest form of breast cancer...yet, there are still procedures...there are still marks and incisions and battle scars...If the cells are reaching or stage 4... it will mean radiation...just like invasive breast cancer. These are things I was just not aware off...

As I go to all my appointments..I wear this...

A gift from Vicky Westra and her family!

Everyone notice's it. The surgeon said, "I saw that under your gown...

she looks closer... I tell her about Vicky... she then reaches to truly look again!

I notice that all my sense's are in high gear, the way my foot steps sound in

the hospital corridor. the swish of the elevator and how sterile it is. A younger women

crying, her fear of her biopsy so real...facial expression's, act's of kindness

everywhere..and God moment's..

when I heard something I needed to hear..

For me...  walking this on my own...(no spouse)

it's the scars..not having felt love in so long...

It's the nurturing of the physical me..

I have always viewed myself a little less then..due to my father,

so I have insecurities in the physical... it's 

worrying about how the breast will look after all this...

It may seem silly, I always had issues with 'the girls'

I never wanted to be busty!

but now..I Like them, I want them to be ok!

It' sheer Vulnerability

And so as I walk this lil side journey, along with the other journey

I am on...I mourned many things the other night...

and in the mourning..I choose to dress up and see me..right now...

today as I am!

I choose to embrace me...because sometimes...I am

as fragile as the most delicate glass...

Yet I am one tough cookie...because life has been that 'Big' that 

full of learning for me...

 ..I can say I am blessed and I am humbled..for this little side journey has taught me more and given me more..then it can ever take away from me...!!!  and I am so Proud to know

a bit of what it's like..to be 'one of those women'

because personally speaking..they are the BEST!

 instead of focusing on scars and battle wounds...I am embracing the journey...because I know..all shall be well! ( thank you my beautiful Vicky you have taught me with your Grace)

This picture of Vicky's son's

stay out were everyone can see...

so that every moment I am aware and

 and pray for that miracle..and gift of time 

for Vicky and her family!

  

Next Wednesday I go in for the lumpectomy and...we shall see

what those cells are up too...

my greatest fear? my Achilles heal,.... is anesthesia

so now you know a little of my fear! :)

And by the way 

Your more then welcome to come along and dance 

with me!

Update on: The greatest heartache, love, faith and a touch of pixie dust....

If your just seeing this post

for the first time...

To truly understand this 'True life' story

Please first, go to the link below

and 

read..... :)

The greatest heartache, love, faith, prayers and a touch of Pixie dust...

Sometimes, what we think should be easy in life...

just isn't

As Shelby and Pat awaited the birth of there little boy...

they were told that he could have problems...

the fact he was even coming into

into this world...

was a miracle.

His Due date was in Dec.

On Nov. 20th 2014

Shelby went into the hospital

for a check up...

Miracles happen when we least expect them too...

and this young couple, who had gone through so

much...was about to get one of these miracles...

As Shelby awaited her appointment

Her Placenta separated!

Had she not been IN the hospital...well

there may not be a post today...

But she WAS!

and they rushed her into delivery.

On Nov. 20th 2014 at only 34 weeks

URIJAH RAEGAN WHALEY

was born

at 4:34p.m.

weighing in at 5lbs 15oz

18 inches long!

He was in the NICU for 10 days!

As Shelby wrote : "I know that God and big sister

were watching out for us!"

Gosh how I love this picture! Is there anything

more precious then a baby fresh from above?!

Perfect and healthy in every way!!!

With Faith, Love, Prayers...and oh that dash of Pixie Dust...

These young parents once again...

hold a baby in there arms...after so much grief!

This pic was taken only 3 months before Raegan
passed away from her brain tumor.

The road through grief is never easy...
for Shelby after she lost her precious girl...
everywhere she looked were couples with Babies or lil ones
she felt empty..she was no longer a mom...
yet she was..the pain in her, and seeing other's
with children was profound and great...
I know God doesn't give us more then we can Handel
but sometimes it feels he pushes us!
I know without a doubt, he placed Shelby were she needed to be...
so that Urijah could make it...
safe and sound!

What a Thanksgiving blessing...what a Christmas Miracle!

Urijah with his Grandpa...this Miracle
was for everyone. For so many family members grieved
the loss of Precious Raegan...

Sweet Sweet baby boy. Do you realize how loved you are!
Do you realize what a blessing you are!
Do you realize your a precious miracle
from above!

loved, loved loved..and always always now...
you will have a big sister, with Angel wing's
watching over you!

Refurbishing my life, my soul..as I refurbish one piece of furniture at a time...

Life's journey, has brought many changes these

past few months...

I was much like this dresser...I worked! I functioned,

Yet there was no beauty left, there was no joy,

there was no 'soul moments', when we fly free with

utter delight.

For over 22 years, I followed that still small voice,

I worked on my marriage with all I had.

over and over I tried everything the still small

voice told me, such as, 'love him more, be patient,

never get angry back, be kind, share what you feel,

and at one point I even thought we had a miracle...

wasn't I deserving of one? :).....

yet things went back to how they always were...

this time, the pain, and awareness came to a conclusion...

I didn't know what else to do...

I had loved unconditionally, I had forgiven,

I had so much excitement and fell in love again...

only to be put in my place, all communication ignored...

I became numb...I would stay...after all

that is what I am good at doing? I care so much for the human

being...others. Always putting them before myself...

I became numb and in that numbness

was a sadness like I had never known...

  

A sadness because I do believe in love!

kindness, respect, to honor and cherish...

a sadness because I was a shell of who I am suppose to be...

and then...then that still small voice spoke...

and gifts were put into my life...

I call them 'God' moments

as I became aware, I count too!

I am important, I have a right to be happy here...

and the only one that could make that happen

was me!  If I didn't put myself first...

who would?

my health was being affected...because

when we are sad, stressed..we cause damage to

our health....

And a beauty grew inside me...

that as much as I loved the human being I have been married too...

I was of equal importance!

I am so sensitive, so peaceful, so quiet and in wonder

at the beauty in this world..and all of Gods creation's

and I was living with someone who was opposite...

perhaps we were just very unevenly yoked?!!!

Sometimes, a journey comes to a end...because God can only

work with each of you separately...

because together was not healthy anymore.

(yes, this is a delicate subject and I am choosing my words

as wisely as I can..and yet still share)

I am starting all over again...as if I was 20...

working at minimum wage...with My booth on the side...

and yet...

I am changing, growing..I feel a peace and tranquility I have yearned for...

I know without a doubt...the Lord has me in his hands...

I am excited about the 'possibilities' in my future. Dreams that can come

a reality!

I am slowly, one step at a time..becoming the best of me, 

once again...and when we are the best of ourselves...

God can work with us, much better! isn't joy in someone the

most attractive of all traits? joy and love and that spiritual

something!!!

I am aiming high..to be all the lord ever intended me to be!

This is truly the hardest thing I have ever done... it goes against what my norm

has been... and I am a person who never wants to cause someone else any pain.

and yet, I know this is what the Lord wants from me...

I ask for continued prayers...and prayers for the man I

was married to all these years. For I still care, still love him for the person

he has been and still pray for the lord to be there for him.

I know, without a doubt..I am going to be more then fine!

I have cherished friends and people who

know me! I have a peace and excitement I have not known in many many

years...

and I am following that still small voice...

the Lord has this...he so has this!

I am becoming and un-becoming (words from Vicky Westra's blog)

and it is the perfect place for me!

I am refurbishing my life and my soul...

because no one else could do it...

but me! 

God's Will

Sometimes, I am surprised by

the songs I have never heard...

this morning I stumbled across this one...

May it touch your heart...

and yes, it will bring a tear...

but more so...

it simply is beautiful....

Have a wonderful day!