The night is still...peaceful and perfect. Its cooled off so much compared to the heat of the summer day. I pull on my mom's deap burgundy hoodie. She got it last fall as she went on her trip to see one son, Ben in Texas and his family. Then Eric on the coast in California, And finally Sam and his wife Sarah in Oregon. Was that only Last November ?
I step into the night air on the back deck... cup... of coffee in hand. it's 3:a.m. and sleeping beauty is finally at rest. Earlier in the day, going to the commode became to much for her. Hospice came over and put her on a catheter, she warned us the time was growing close. Somehow that catheter came out. hospice came again, and redid the catheter. Isle went to get a full nights sleep. Monique was also going to sleep soon. I had the first shift of the night shift.
We hear a cry out, and rush to our mom's bedroom... Me, Monique followed by Isle who also jumped out of bed. Her bed was empty!!! Shock cannot accurately describe the moment. Monique and Isle turn..automatically to check the bathroom. And I see her..3 feet away from the hospital bed..in the corner. Trying to get to the commode. She has no memory of how she got there... Hospice comes again. catheter not working for her...we decide against it. as hospice leaves... she once again warns us...the time is growing close. We give her a pill for anxiety. everyone goes to bed...and I sit and wait.
The restlessness and sudden movements. are due to the nervouse system beginning to shut down, due to lack of oxygen.The cloudy Urin is due to the kiddneys shouting down due to lack of oxygen. The shaking, the parts of her that are so warm and kinda clamy, the skin on her face going to a whitish sheen..all signs the end is closing in.
The night air feels good...awakening me. I take two gulps of coffee and go back to her bedside. She is still now. the ceiling fan gives of a steady hummm and I put her hand in mine. I study her features her face and find her still beautiful...thin and gaunt due to the cancer, but no wrinkles and no blemishes...still young... I trace my other hand up her arm and I start humming.. I hum every church hym I can remember and that leads me to humming all the Christmas songs... One after another I hum. I hold sleeping beauties hand, soak her in and hum.
A peacefulness like a soft blanket cloaks the room. I hum the tune to silent night;
Silent night! Holy night! All is calm all is bright Round yon virgin mother and child Holy infant so tender and mild Sleep in heavenly peace! sleep in heavenly peace.........................
I glance at the clock..it's 5:a.m and I wake my sister for her turn. I climb into bed.... praying sleeping beauty sleeps..until awakend by the purest form of love there is... Our Heavenly Fathers.... I close my eye's with thousands emotions running thru my mind...and in exhaustion...I sleep...last night..we had Christmas in july...
I step into the night air on the back deck... cup... of coffee in hand. it's 3:a.m. and sleeping beauty is finally at rest. Earlier in the day, going to the commode became to much for her. Hospice came over and put her on a catheter, she warned us the time was growing close. Somehow that catheter came out. hospice came again, and redid the catheter. Isle went to get a full nights sleep. Monique was also going to sleep soon. I had the first shift of the night shift.
We hear a cry out, and rush to our mom's bedroom... Me, Monique followed by Isle who also jumped out of bed. Her bed was empty!!! Shock cannot accurately describe the moment. Monique and Isle turn..automatically to check the bathroom. And I see her..3 feet away from the hospital bed..in the corner. Trying to get to the commode. She has no memory of how she got there... Hospice comes again. catheter not working for her...we decide against it. as hospice leaves... she once again warns us...the time is growing close. We give her a pill for anxiety. everyone goes to bed...and I sit and wait.
The restlessness and sudden movements. are due to the nervouse system beginning to shut down, due to lack of oxygen.The cloudy Urin is due to the kiddneys shouting down due to lack of oxygen. The shaking, the parts of her that are so warm and kinda clamy, the skin on her face going to a whitish sheen..all signs the end is closing in.
The night air feels good...awakening me. I take two gulps of coffee and go back to her bedside. She is still now. the ceiling fan gives of a steady hummm and I put her hand in mine. I study her features her face and find her still beautiful...thin and gaunt due to the cancer, but no wrinkles and no blemishes...still young... I trace my other hand up her arm and I start humming.. I hum every church hym I can remember and that leads me to humming all the Christmas songs... One after another I hum. I hold sleeping beauties hand, soak her in and hum.
A peacefulness like a soft blanket cloaks the room. I hum the tune to silent night;
Silent night! Holy night! All is calm all is bright Round yon virgin mother and child Holy infant so tender and mild Sleep in heavenly peace! sleep in heavenly peace.........................
I glance at the clock..it's 5:a.m and I wake my sister for her turn. I climb into bed.... praying sleeping beauty sleeps..until awakend by the purest form of love there is... Our Heavenly Fathers.... I close my eye's with thousands emotions running thru my mind...and in exhaustion...I sleep...last night..we had Christmas in july...
I am so sorry for all the suffering your dear Mother is going through and all of your sweet family. I am keeping you all in my prayers. Please let me know how you are doing. Sweet hugs, your friend, Diane
ReplyDeleteThank you Diane!!! she passed away on the day you wrote this. July 21, 2013. Its still hard to believe she is gone. Been busy packing her things and estate stuff. thank you for your prayers and thoughts.
ReplyDeletePeggy :)