A fourth Memory Pillow

This Sunday is my sister's Birthday! Her first without our mom.

My Sister is the Oldest of us 6. I am second behind her.

When my sister was born, my mom held her tight and thought, 

"I will never be alone anymore"

Here we are..in the early 70's :) My sister in the red dress and I in the yellow.

and the Oldest of our little Brothers in front!

My sister and I haven't had the easiest relationship. Yet, I love her, She is my Big sister.

I think our relationship is the by-product of being

Our Mothers daughter's!

There is no one else who will ever know what that is like...

Only Her and I.

Our Mother was a perfectionist. Her homes, her gardens, and how she looked.

Long ago we both realized we could never keep up or even get close to

who are mother was! It was something we joked about, to the point

that when our brothers got married, we would share with there wives,

That mom was mom, and we no longer tried...so don't worry just be you!

And yet, I have become to realize, this is what has caused my sister

to be in some ways fragile in her relationship with out Mom...and because she was

fragile, her anger was turned to me.

You see, I am the one that looks most like our Mom...

Yet it is my sister who had more in common with our Mom.

Here we are! The end of May 2012. basically 1 yr and 2 months before we lost our

mom to Pancreatic cancer. She was fighting it for a year already in this picture...can you believe it!!

My sister is the beautiful brunette on the left. Then our mom and Me!

I had sold My Boutique in March That year. And my mom had a desire to go on a road trip.

she wanted to see battle fields, and Mt Rushmore. She and I wandered the back roads of the west, mid west

and truly had the time of our lives. We visited the oldest of our little brothers in Nebraska and then ended up at My sisters...to be part of her wedding. A week later my husband and I also renewed our vows.

We choose to do this then...because we had no clue how long the Lord would give us our Mom.

I know, I am forever grateful we made that decision!

The top part of this pillow, is from the dress my mom wore in the picture above of all 3 of us!

But its also the dress she wore in one of my favorite pics of My Mom and Sister

This was taken in 2010..before cancer entered our lives. My mom and sister dancing

at one of our little brothers wedding's

I think of all the pillow's I have done..this is my favorite. I wanted it to be vintage lace, soft and beautiful

the other fabric was from a skirt my mom wore.

I added the burlap and vintage lace's...because that is me..and I wanted this Pillow to be

a part of our mom and a part of me!

And once again, I added Schatjie. It means sweetheart in Dutch and it was what my mom called

all those she loved...and she used that word in every way...Like, "Hello Schatji" or 'Happy Birthday Schatjie" but also if she heard something she didn't like..then it would be "Oh Schatji"

  I had the whole pillow lined due to the lace :)

and I wrote a note inside the Birthday card telling her the things our Mom loved about her...

(just like the other 3 memory pillows)

My sister could make our mom laugh, she has the gift of humor, and it brought much laughter

to our mom's life. She and my mom also loved to sew  and bake together.

Unlike my mom and sister. I cant follow a pattern. Anything I sew or make, comes from my mind,

and when that creative side gets going...I enjoy doing it alone. because the pattern is in my mind.

to sew with others means I cant concentrate or see the pattern in my mind...

But this is something our mom never understood about me...

So I didn't give her joy there like my sister did.

Our mom loved us all! But she had a hard time in the things we did that were different then her.

I have learned that we create the body and the soul comes from above...

the greatest gift I can give my children, my daughters,

is to allow them to be who the Lord intended them to be.

they have there own gifts and there own lives to live.

They are NOT suppose to be just like me.

they are to be who they are two be separate and apart from me.

The greatest gift i can give them as there mother...is to allow

the beauty of all our difference's...and let them fly free...

There is so much, I wish I would of known sooner about our Mom,

only because I love her so and wished I could of helped her see more...

But I know, the Lord had his plans and I know he was teaching me... and for whatever

reason..that is why things fell into place..only as our Mom was dying and not before.

Today I kept singing in my mind, sunrise sunset...

It was always a favorite song of our Mom's and many times

tears would come...its also one we all love.

Happy Birthday my beautiful Sister

Love from Mom and Me!

Life's Painful, beautiful Ride...

Life's painful, beautiful ride...

Is felt by all, at one time or another.

Life is just like that.

There is pain, or confusion, loss or trials,

betrayals or dishonesty's

It's a fog that at sometime, in all of our

lives...touches us.

It makes us wonder...were do I go from here?...

sometimes, for some, it's very hard to breath through.

It's like all happiness has been drained away...

and the journey of just breathing through it more

then we can bare.

These months...of January and February..seem always hardest.

for someone with happiness around them, these months

are hard..but for others were the trials have stacked up...

Breathing through these months, becomes pivotal.

One friend has lost her neighbor, the head of the company she worked for, her grandmother and her mother...all within

4 months..and then..they had to put the family dog down.

her pain is tangible and real...and she wonders...

when will it end???

Another Friend new that there relationship was struggling,

but never dreamed there spouse would walk away...

into the arms of another...after all these years...

lonely, heart wrenching Holidays and days...

Another friend, is craving affection and love...

from a spouse who has become a roommate.

Its that young 20 something girl...trying to figure her way through life...away from family, and on her own.

It's that young man trying to support his young family...and they cut his hours to only 3 days a week...then one.

Its a Dear blogger friend  who has been fighting stage IV breast cancer...who has had good news and bad, and a upcoming surgery. She shares with such grace, that she now is also a caregiver for her mother...But I know that with all her grace, Her life has had

 little time for laughter..and yet like me..she hangs on...

knowing laughter will come again...

Because I KNOW it will come again !

that is a promise!

It always does, it always has...slowly, like paddling upstream...To finally enjoy the ride down river.

 happiness and laughter does come again.

I use to tell my children, "for every day that comes, that is so hard

you feel you can't make it through...just hang in there...

for I can promise that just down the road, and around the corner

is a day that is so amazing...you wouldn't want to miss it!"

It is a day that makes life so beautiful. a day that makes the spirit soar..and yes, these days come... no matter the circumstance.

The sun will always shine again...always... and how

can I make that promise? because I have been there.

And it works and in happens...because

we are loved that much, by our creator...and other's

because Life is...ups and Downs...

the pain teaches us, making the joy's so much

brighter.

We are never truly alone...not ever. And that isn't just the Lord.

Every one of us, has someone's that love us..even if we are unaware...for one life always touches another..always...

you would be surprised the lives you and only you...have touched

and can touch!

One of my favorite Christmas movies is,

"Its a wonderful life"

for that movie shares that concept in the most

profound beautiful way...if you haven't seen it in awhile

hunt it down and watch it!

we are all truly a part of a whole!

A few years ago, I was going through a personal struggle

and on my way home...I saw this in the clouds...

I jumped out of my car and took this with my cell phone...no one 

else saw it...and how did this happen? a path through the clouds?

but the prof is right here... in this picture :) perhaps it was

a gift just for me :)

and then came this song

May you hang in there. May sunshine and smiles and much

laughter find you again...it will, it truly will.

May you know you are loved.

May you feel the Lords arms around you in the biggest hug.

and may you know above all else...there is only

one YOU! and you touch other's

and for those in a happy good place,

Please keep others who are walking in the fog,

in your thoughts and prayers...

for each of us will experience that fog,

that pain, that place..at least once in our lives...

and we are all part of a whole.

with Much love, and prayers to you all!  

Quite... New year

Quite new year, I fell asleep on you, as you drifted in...sound asleep in peaceful dreams...and woke to a tex that touched my heart..a perfect beginning to a year that holds so much, and probably nothing that I can begin to predict...for so much can happen in a year, so many changes..so much learning, times of laughter and times of tears..but I am ready for you...more then Ready....curious to see what you will teach me 2014, the paths you will lead me too..the things I can't foresee....but I know one thing for sure..I will embrace you, learn from you, and enjoy you all I can..for the gift is always in each precious day, each moment, each experience, and each person we get to meet....its called Life..and I am so glad to be a part of it.... 

Wishing you all a New Years of "life' wonderful unpredictable LIFE! and all the joys. laughter, tears, and moments..wonderful moments that make life so worth living.